Out of the Catholic Bubble
“Loving people doesn’t always mean agreeing with their views. It means agreeing on the dignity of your relationship.”
BY KIERSTIN RICHTER
I didn’t have a solid group of Catholic friends until Ben and I started going to Saint Joseph’s last year. Before that, he was all I really had, but I was in severe lack of Catholic girlfriends. I mean it when I say a good faith community is transformative and integral to a vibrant spiritual life.
But when you’ve finally found people that you vibe with on a spiritual level, the differences between you and your old friends can become even more pronounced, especially if you have become more public about your spiritual life.
It’s tempting to want to only surround yourself with a Catholic crowd because it’s where you feel most accepted and understood. It can be painful to listen to our old friends, ones we love deeply, make digs at our beliefs, or chastise the way we live. But we don’t live in a safety bubble, and there’s no growth in staying comfortable.
It’s okay to have friends that think differently than you. Loving people doesn’t always mean agreeing with their views. It means agreeing on the dignity of your relationship. And as Mother Teresa says, “love doesn’t measure, it just gives.” Loving others doesn’t guarantee they’ll never hurt you.
The Catholic way of living is totally counter-cultural. It doesn’t satisfy our ego, and it definitely doesn’t give us a leg up in society. People either make digs at you or the Church or your way of living. But I’ve found it’s not always necessary to engage. Don’t pick fights, and when others do, use it as an opportunity to grow in humility and hold your tongue.
When people make you feel stupid, let them. When people make you feel embarrassed, let them. When people make you feel like you don’t truly understand reality, let them. When people make you feel unwanted, lonely and hurt, let them. Sit in the discomfort and let it sanctify you.
People will forget what you said, but they won’t forget how you made them feel, so always speak in love. So even if you trip over your words or you forget your point, always smile. Always be gracious.
But the strongest message you will ever send is the way you live your life. So live it well. Live in love and self-sacrifice. Live in virtue. Live in humility.
You won’t win any awards, you might not make more friends, and you most probably won’t feel very cool because sainthood is marketed as boring and prudish. But holiness isn’t the absence of sin. It’s the absence of the pursuit of seeking empty promises the world offers for happiness and fulfillment. Being a saint means fighting for life, fighting for love, and fighting for second chances. Being a saint means cultivating peace in your heart and opening it as a safe place for others.
It can sometimes be difficult to look at the world from a Catholic lens and not feel angry. Angry at the treatment of people. Angry at the use of people. Angry at institutionalized issues the world seems to ignore based on their profitability. St. Augustine of Hippo once said, “Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are anger and courage. Anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain as they are.”
But be angry at problems, not at people. Because at the end of the day, we are all just walking each other home.